Is it true?
“But if my cycle isn’t regular, I can’t do IVF with my own eggs, which means I can’t have my own baby!”
It hurt to hear her use these words. And she was in tears.
Her partner was uncommitted, and in her view, the only choice left was an IVF cycle with her own eggs.
Except, her body was in a state of hormonal imbalance, and she was having irregular cycles. So her doctor took the IVF option off the table as they assumed she might be perimenopausal.
“I’ll never be a mum!” she said with tears welling up.
In fact, she knows we have to get her cycle back in order and balance her hormones.
But she’s already feeling defeated, and in such a state, that I would be hard pressed to help at all.
What can you do?
No amount of “positive thinking”, “affirmations”, or “visualisations” can get you out of this type of negative mindset loop. Something else was needed.
When a really strong desire like this is met with disaster or failure, the mind often goes into this self-defeating mode.
The obstacle becomes a trigger for fear and future projection of what “will” happen. And this fear becomes anxiety, which in itself becomes a new obstacle.
But there is a path out of this dark loop, lit with reason.
We discussed how the current “out of balance” situation has triggered these anxieties and beliefs about her future.
For every “fear” she presented me with (my cycle will always be irregular, IVF with own eggs is not possible, I’ll never be a mum, etc) — for each of these I asked her to use a simple question:
Is. It. True?
Does she know 100% that her fears will come true? Will it absolutely be like that in future?
And of course, on deeper reflection, her answer was “no”.
When used correctly (just takes a bit of practice) this technique typically reveals a NO, as we can’t predict the outcome of the current situation — no matter how bad it might seem.
This realisation helped her come out of the fear, anxiety, and worry about the unknown future, and get grounded again in the present moment now – as life actually is – and not a prediction of how it might or might not be.
And I’m happy to report that she is moving forwards with courage, and we’re well on the way to restoring balance for her. Her cycles are now regular and she’s investigating IVF clinics 🙂
So please, don’t give up hope!
There’s always a solution – even when it sometimes looks as if there isn’t.
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